Not happy happy happy

I'm not really sure I'm happy with my life lately. Everything just seems to be going wrong and just when I think they might be getting better something else happens.

My ex called me the other day. It would not be a big deal had he not been trying to take my daughter away from me the last time I spoke to him.

He called because of an ad I have up on Craigslist to find homes for the puppies we have. I know that he was not searching me out but it still bothers me that he now has my phone numbers and knows what city I live in.

It would be nice if life could just be simple for a while. I'm always angry or depressed and I really do hate it.

I could go on and on about the things that are bugging me but I'm not here to write you a book. I do feel a bit better writing some of this out though, even if it may be confusing to others.

Anti-Bullying Week

I only recently learned about this very special week and while I am
doing this post up for a friend I do know what it feels like to be
bullied and I know that this can come in many forms.

I have been bullied by family,friends and even total strangers and all
of it hurts. If you would not want it done to yourself then do not do
it to others.


I guess the easiest thing to do is to list examples of times and
people who have bullied me.


Kids in high school - This may seem like the big thing that everyone
talks about but it is where the bulk of this hurt goes down. I have
been through a lot in my life and at one point I had started cutting
myself. People told me I was just doing it to get noticed or they told
me how stupid I was for doing it. I knew it was stupid and I know that
now but in all honesty it dose not change a thing. I see an the news
how even in death Amanda Todd is bullied and I know just how she felt.
Sure things did not get as bad for me but they could have. High school
was pretty much hell for me. I eventually just stopped going to school
and though I am in school now I have yet to graduate.



Mother in law - This is a form of bullying that is still going on and
though I know she will not see it that way I do. The name calling, the
disrespect, the petty remarks, it's all bullying! If someone makes you
feel like crap every day they are being a bully.



Brothers and sisters- Now I have to say upfront that things with my
siblings are good at the moment and I love them to death but there has
been times where things have gotten bad. The hateful things my
siblings said about me at times had my parents wanting nothing to do
with me. Siblings fight yes but I still think of it as a form of
bullying.



Strangers- People call me fat, call me a bad mother, call me all sorts
of names for the way I look. So I have piercings, tattoos and love to
dye my hair wild colors. That dose not give every person on the street
the right to call me out on it. One remark can easily destroy a
person. Lucky for me they did not but it dose still hurt when I see
the disgusted looks people give me.


I feel all my examples are lame but I know that somewhere out there
there is someone that has gone through the same thing or worse and
talking about it is really the only way to take a stand.


Watch what you say out there. Do not type things you will regret when
others see it. I know that I need to take more of my own advice
because I rant about people I don't like on here all the time. There
is a time and a place. Everyone makes mistakes but it's what we do or
don't do about it. Not sure that made sense but I am about to fall
into a food coma after everything I ate today.

Home at last!

WEll we are finally in the new house and though I am stuck with crappy dial up and tones of laundry it is good to be home and out of the home of the monster-in-law. Things just kept getting worse there and I was glad when we were finally able to move out.

 

WE have been int he new place for a week now and it feels great to not be stuck in one room for fear of pissing someone off. I can happily run through my house screaming how much I hate my mother in law without making her mad. Hell I can watch tv or eat without her trying to start a fight so it's great!

 

I almost thought Iw ould not be able to post to my blog anymore thanks to my dialup being so slow but hopefully thanks to ScribeFire I will be able to start posting to my blog again. Not really sure just what I will say but atleast I know I can do it.

 

So lets home you guys are able to read this. Then again I have no clue if I will recive any comments or be abl to see them haha. Gotta work out all the bugs but I will figure it out

 

See ya ^.^

Lemons

They say life gives you lemons. I must have a whole damn farm of them and I'm sick of it. If it's not one thing it's another. First we get told we are getting into the house and then we don't. We don't have a running car, people are trying to kill themselves and i'm surrounded by so much anger that I can hardly breath.

I'm going to build myself a lemon cannon and start pegging people with the damn things. Screw making lemonade I'd rather enjoy shooting other people then drown in the amount of lemonade I could make right now.

Yes I know that there are better ways to handle my feelings but that one sounds too good to pass up. I am beyond threw with dealing with everything and I can only hope it ends soon and I can start being happy again

She won't stop!

I am really getting tired of all of this drama. Every day there is something there to upset me and though I try not to let it get to me it is really not something I can help.

The Monster-In-Law is really getting on my last nerve. She mimicked me yesterday! Like a fucking child and she did it thinking I would not hear her! What's even worse is she mimicked the fact that I was having trouble breathing.

I like next to a cotton field and am quite allergic to whatever the plat gives off this time of year. Couple that with a cold front pushing through it made my asthma act up bad so even trying to clean my stuffy nose caused me to be out of breath.

She decided she would mimic me as she walked down the hall. I am really sick of her crap. There is nothing I can do to make her happy and I am sick of trying. I can not wait until I am from under her thumb because once I know I am safe from getting hit I plan to tear her  new one.

Yes I know I should face her head on but I have two kids and they don't need their mother being seen with a black eye because their grandmother is a bitch.

Hopefully it will all get better soon. Crying yourself to sleep every night is no way to live.

It's really not.

It's something new every day and it's driving me up the wall. I don't cook right I don't clean right, I don't talk or dress right.

We actually had a pretty big fight not long back and she admitted to doing everything she cold to get me to leave. She has never liked that I am with her baby boy. I love my husband and that bitch can hit me with everything she has but she will not get me to leave the man of my dreams. She can just suck it!

Sadly I still find myself trying to make her happy if only to keep the peace. I need to stop being such a good person but I guess it's just the way I was brought up.

I'm done ranting. It makes my head hurt.

Until next time.

 

A is for Amy who I pushed down the stairs

Oh how I could make this title come true. There is a Amy in my life that I want to push down the stairs.

Shes the kind of girl that lures you in and then screws you over. Sadly I feel for her little act more than once and I hate myself for it.

She has everyone fooled and she gets away with so much crap. I could tell you all her dark little secrets but I'm honestly a much better person than that. One day she will get whats coming to her and when she dose I really hope it is an ordeal that she dose not survive.

At one point in time i was in a relationship with this girl. Well she cheated on me and didn't even have the guts to tell me or the guy she was with. She just started dating him and when I found out she acted as if we had never been together but oh how she loves to brag about having me as a gf. Yeah I know I'm amazing.

Sadly this is not where that story ends. See the guy she left me for had a best friend. She cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend and then left her boyfriend for the best friend. Though now she is with neither of them. Maybe it's for the best because boyfriend number one swore he was a werewolf and there was an 80% chance he would shift on a full moon and the other would constantly go on and on about being a century's old vampire. He even brought it up in fights, telling people he's had to deal with depression and such for hundreds of years. It was horrible.

Now shes with a kid that looks like he's 12 and a meth head. This poor girl will never learn and with the way she treats me I hope she gets all the hell life has to offer.

No I am not a mean person for bashing this girl. I am a hurt one. She has stolen from me, lies to me, bashed me (tried to fight me) and has even tried stealing my husband. She is no ones friend. -sigh-

It kind of felt good to get all of that out but trust me there is so much more I could say on the subject of Amy and perhaps in another post I will. I can tell you about how I beat the crap out of her and how she lied to everyone even though she was covered in bruises.

Until next time!

A penny for my thoughts? How about a $20?

I ever post on this blog anymore. I'm a bad blogger. Not really even sure who reads this site aside from my bestie. I guess juggling two blogs was a bit hard on me, then again keeping up with anything on a regular basis is hard for me.

I cant take pills on a schedule to save my life and I can ever stick to routine, though I love coming up with them. It's rather annoying but oh well

I have been watching "Awkward" and I guess all Jenna's blogging got me in the mood to do the same. No one I know in my personal life reads this blog so maybe it's Ok to bash the hell out of them here. Hummmm not really sure but I might just give it a try. After all I do love to right, even if I can never figure out what I want to say.

So here's to a fresh start. The next post on here should be quite interesting. I have lots of pent up frustrations and I think I will write them all out next time.

Till then!

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