Anti-Bullying Week

I only recently learned about this very special week and while I am
doing this post up for a friend I do know what it feels like to be
bullied and I know that this can come in many forms.

I have been bullied by family,friends and even total strangers and all
of it hurts. If you would not want it done to yourself then do not do
it to others.


I guess the easiest thing to do is to list examples of times and
people who have bullied me.


Kids in high school - This may seem like the big thing that everyone
talks about but it is where the bulk of this hurt goes down. I have
been through a lot in my life and at one point I had started cutting
myself. People told me I was just doing it to get noticed or they told
me how stupid I was for doing it. I knew it was stupid and I know that
now but in all honesty it dose not change a thing. I see an the news
how even in death Amanda Todd is bullied and I know just how she felt.
Sure things did not get as bad for me but they could have. High school
was pretty much hell for me. I eventually just stopped going to school
and though I am in school now I have yet to graduate.



Mother in law - This is a form of bullying that is still going on and
though I know she will not see it that way I do. The name calling, the
disrespect, the petty remarks, it's all bullying! If someone makes you
feel like crap every day they are being a bully.



Brothers and sisters- Now I have to say upfront that things with my
siblings are good at the moment and I love them to death but there has
been times where things have gotten bad. The hateful things my
siblings said about me at times had my parents wanting nothing to do
with me. Siblings fight yes but I still think of it as a form of
bullying.



Strangers- People call me fat, call me a bad mother, call me all sorts
of names for the way I look. So I have piercings, tattoos and love to
dye my hair wild colors. That dose not give every person on the street
the right to call me out on it. One remark can easily destroy a
person. Lucky for me they did not but it dose still hurt when I see
the disgusted looks people give me.


I feel all my examples are lame but I know that somewhere out there
there is someone that has gone through the same thing or worse and
talking about it is really the only way to take a stand.


Watch what you say out there. Do not type things you will regret when
others see it. I know that I need to take more of my own advice
because I rant about people I don't like on here all the time. There
is a time and a place. Everyone makes mistakes but it's what we do or
don't do about it. Not sure that made sense but I am about to fall
into a food coma after everything I ate today.

Home at last!

WEll we are finally in the new house and though I am stuck with crappy dial up and tones of laundry it is good to be home and out of the home of the monster-in-law. Things just kept getting worse there and I was glad when we were finally able to move out.

 

WE have been int he new place for a week now and it feels great to not be stuck in one room for fear of pissing someone off. I can happily run through my house screaming how much I hate my mother in law without making her mad. Hell I can watch tv or eat without her trying to start a fight so it's great!

 

I almost thought Iw ould not be able to post to my blog anymore thanks to my dialup being so slow but hopefully thanks to ScribeFire I will be able to start posting to my blog again. Not really sure just what I will say but atleast I know I can do it.

 

So lets home you guys are able to read this. Then again I have no clue if I will recive any comments or be abl to see them haha. Gotta work out all the bugs but I will figure it out

 

See ya ^.^

Lemons

They say life gives you lemons. I must have a whole damn farm of them and I'm sick of it. If it's not one thing it's another. First we get told we are getting into the house and then we don't. We don't have a running car, people are trying to kill themselves and i'm surrounded by so much anger that I can hardly breath.

I'm going to build myself a lemon cannon and start pegging people with the damn things. Screw making lemonade I'd rather enjoy shooting other people then drown in the amount of lemonade I could make right now.

Yes I know that there are better ways to handle my feelings but that one sounds too good to pass up. I am beyond threw with dealing with everything and I can only hope it ends soon and I can start being happy again

She won't stop!

I am really getting tired of all of this drama. Every day there is something there to upset me and though I try not to let it get to me it is really not something I can help.

The Monster-In-Law is really getting on my last nerve. She mimicked me yesterday! Like a fucking child and she did it thinking I would not hear her! What's even worse is she mimicked the fact that I was having trouble breathing.

I like next to a cotton field and am quite allergic to whatever the plat gives off this time of year. Couple that with a cold front pushing through it made my asthma act up bad so even trying to clean my stuffy nose caused me to be out of breath.

She decided she would mimic me as she walked down the hall. I am really sick of her crap. There is nothing I can do to make her happy and I am sick of trying. I can not wait until I am from under her thumb because once I know I am safe from getting hit I plan to tear her  new one.

Yes I know I should face her head on but I have two kids and they don't need their mother being seen with a black eye because their grandmother is a bitch.

Hopefully it will all get better soon. Crying yourself to sleep every night is no way to live.

It's really not.

It's something new every day and it's driving me up the wall. I don't cook right I don't clean right, I don't talk or dress right.

We actually had a pretty big fight not long back and she admitted to doing everything she cold to get me to leave. She has never liked that I am with her baby boy. I love my husband and that bitch can hit me with everything she has but she will not get me to leave the man of my dreams. She can just suck it!

Sadly I still find myself trying to make her happy if only to keep the peace. I need to stop being such a good person but I guess it's just the way I was brought up.

I'm done ranting. It makes my head hurt.

Until next time.

 

A is for Amy who I pushed down the stairs

Oh how I could make this title come true. There is a Amy in my life that I want to push down the stairs.

Shes the kind of girl that lures you in and then screws you over. Sadly I feel for her little act more than once and I hate myself for it.

She has everyone fooled and she gets away with so much crap. I could tell you all her dark little secrets but I'm honestly a much better person than that. One day she will get whats coming to her and when she dose I really hope it is an ordeal that she dose not survive.

At one point in time i was in a relationship with this girl. Well she cheated on me and didn't even have the guts to tell me or the guy she was with. She just started dating him and when I found out she acted as if we had never been together but oh how she loves to brag about having me as a gf. Yeah I know I'm amazing.

Sadly this is not where that story ends. See the guy she left me for had a best friend. She cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend and then left her boyfriend for the best friend. Though now she is with neither of them. Maybe it's for the best because boyfriend number one swore he was a werewolf and there was an 80% chance he would shift on a full moon and the other would constantly go on and on about being a century's old vampire. He even brought it up in fights, telling people he's had to deal with depression and such for hundreds of years. It was horrible.

Now shes with a kid that looks like he's 12 and a meth head. This poor girl will never learn and with the way she treats me I hope she gets all the hell life has to offer.

No I am not a mean person for bashing this girl. I am a hurt one. She has stolen from me, lies to me, bashed me (tried to fight me) and has even tried stealing my husband. She is no ones friend. -sigh-

It kind of felt good to get all of that out but trust me there is so much more I could say on the subject of Amy and perhaps in another post I will. I can tell you about how I beat the crap out of her and how she lied to everyone even though she was covered in bruises.

Until next time!

A penny for my thoughts? How about a $20?

I ever post on this blog anymore. I'm a bad blogger. Not really even sure who reads this site aside from my bestie. I guess juggling two blogs was a bit hard on me, then again keeping up with anything on a regular basis is hard for me.

I cant take pills on a schedule to save my life and I can ever stick to routine, though I love coming up with them. It's rather annoying but oh well

I have been watching "Awkward" and I guess all Jenna's blogging got me in the mood to do the same. No one I know in my personal life reads this blog so maybe it's Ok to bash the hell out of them here. Hummmm not really sure but I might just give it a try. After all I do love to right, even if I can never figure out what I want to say.

So here's to a fresh start. The next post on here should be quite interesting. I have lots of pent up frustrations and I think I will write them all out next time.

Till then!

READ ME!!

Would you nurse a child that was not your own?

I was surfing the web today when I came across an article that really made me think. Would you breastfeed a child that was not your own? I have to say that I would. Now I am not saying I am going to go around feeding other women's babies but if put in the situation Maria Kristensen was put in I know that I would do just as she did. She found this child in a bag on the side of the road. It was clear to her that the baby had been delivered that day, blood still on her head and the umbilical cord still attached. I have to say that the thought of someone leaving a child on the side of the road hurts. I  am sure the mother had her reasons and seeing as this happened in Denmark even more so but still, how could someone just do that to their child?

Where I read the story

I praise Maria for what she did. She was brave to not only make the cab she was in turn back but to take the child with her and do what she could to save the child.

So I guess we go back my question. Would you nurse a child that was not your own? Even if the situation were not like the one Maria face? Let me know and please check out the story.

Pink eye update!

Well I sadly now have it in both eyes. my biggest fear has come true. Thankfully my other eye is starting to heal and I have my mommy milk to thank for it. Hopefully I will have it pretty much knocked out before the weekend because this thing is no fun. And I have decided I will not post pics because I hate looking at myself with it haha. It's not pretty at all.

 

Pink eye :(

This totally sucks. Sarah, my youngest daughter has given me Pink Eye. I don't think she has it though I got it because her eyes are all gunked up. It always seems to happen to her after she is getting over being sick. I really hope she dose not get it because if she dose then she will have it in both eyes and right now I am desperately trying to prevent that from happening to myself.

Sleeping last night was hard. I never knew there were so many muscles in your eye. If I laid wrong or moved wrong it felt like I was pulling my eye out of it's socket and then when I finally made myself get up around 5am my eye was sealed shut and it took a wile to get it open.

Having no way to pay for or go see a doctor I am left to using OTC and at home remedies. I have some eye drops but they only help for a few minuets. So for I think what seems to be helping the most if Breast milk. Yes I know it may sound very strange but it seems to be helping some. My eye dose look worse today but after cleaning my eye with my milk as well as expressing it and pouring it into my eye I do not seem to be producing as much gunk which seems to be a good thing. It also helps with the pain.

I hope that after a few days it will start to clear up. I am also taking allergy pills since my father thinks that's part of what caused my pink eye. I hope it goes away before this weekend. I have so many things to do, though that will be for another post.

If anyone out there has any good at home fixes for Pinkeye please direct them my way. I heard tea bags can help but I'm not sure which kind I can use or is any kind will help. Right now my biggest problem is the swelling. My eye is nearly closed is so swollen. But yest, here's an update on me haha

BYE!

(( later I will post a pic of my eye. It's still early morning and dark out and since everyone is sleeping I cant get a good one haha))

 

A Colder Fantasy

So I have this site. It's called A Colder Fantasy. It's a roleplaying site. Though it's not just that, it is also a community. At one point it was a lively place though for some reason things have died down a lot and I'm having trouble getting it back to the wonderful place it once was.

Now I know a lot of people may not know what a roleplay is but trust me when I say it is a blast. Think of it as writing a story between two people. It's a great way to pass the time.

I know there are a lot of roleplay sites out there and I have view a lot of them but I find that most expect you to roleplay there on the site in the forms where everyone else can see. I prefer to do my roleplays in private though email or other means. So if you are like me then this site is for you. You can write on the site but it is not required that all your roleplays are out in the open for the world to see. 

So if you like to roleplay or know people that do then send them my way!

http://www.thecolderfantasy.proboards.com/

Also if you take a look at the site let me know what would make it better. I do have other admins but they too have been unreachable so at the moment it is just me trying to make the site a fun place.

Yeah I suck

I'm such a bad blogger, I really am. I never remember to post and I never know what to post about. My life is also boring haha It really is.

Let's see what I can find to write about....

Today I cleaned my living room, well rearranged it it more like it. I've also been working on shampooing the carpet but it's a slow process.

I worked on some laundry as well and once my husband got home from work I went to Wallmart to get things for my youngest's birthday party tomorrow. I still have things I need to get but I plan to get the rest tomorrow before the party.

I still can't believe she's one and I'm still surprised that I am breastfeeding her and the thought of stopping anytime soon stresses me out though I know I will not go past two years with her. I just want her to wean on her own and not force it. 

Any who I guess that's all for now. I'm going to go chug the rest of my red bull and try to find someway to entertain myself. Sadly I think that will include going home and working on my house some more. YAYYYYY>........

BYE!

Happy birthday baby girl

Happy birthday Sarah! I can't believe you are one today! It really dose not seem like it has been that long, and to think you have been breastfed from day one and still going strong.

Yes this is not a long post, just wanted to say happy birthday to my baby girl ^.^

Crazy crazy crazy

Wow...

To say life has been crazy for me would be an understatement. We have had storms, theft, break downs, fights and loads more problems that any family should ever have. I can't wait until things can actually become normal for us. I'm tired of all the drama. It's like living in a soap opera. 

Last night the weather was crazy. At one point we were actually all hiding in our bathroom because of a tornado warning. It was crazy. we kept losing tv reception so it was hard to know what was going on and then my dad calls us and tells us to get into the bathroom now. I was freaking out. Thankfully the tornado did not go near our home but we did have family that was slightly effected. Everyone is thankfully safe. 

Now it would seem that someone our family trusted is a thief. I honestly should have seen it coming after this girl stole my cellphone and gave it away. I'm still trying to get it back but seeing as a druggie has it the chances of getting it back do not look good. No the phone is small compared to my husbands laptop and my purse being stolen. I have searched the house a hundred times over to make sure and we have a friend that says that the girl who stole these items was bragging to him about it but when my father asked her about it she played innocent. That bitch is going down! -Que evil laughter-

Cars cars cars. oh how I hate them. My own car has been broken down for a long time and we have no idea whats wrong with it. My parents car is also a mess but after a lot of money on my part it is finally running again. Let's just hope that it keeps running. having to beg for rides from people was not fun at all. 

There's so much I could say here, so many people I want to bash here but I know that would not be the best thing, even though I bashed the ex-family thief. she lucky I don't disclose her name, address, a photo of her and her SSN. yes I hate her that much. ANYWHO I guess that's all for now. This post was more of a strange rant, a way to vent and get some things i can't say to my family out in the open because it causes more dram. 


Till next time!

Scary Bunny's!!!

My life will never be normal and most of the time I am thankful for that. I will never be the girl who wakes up at the same time every day, remembers to brush her teeth at the same time every day or eats at the same time every day. Some days I sleep in and others I wake up early. Some days I eat and others I don't. It usually doesn't bother me but then again I always wished I could be like those perky girls you see in high school. Oh well.

My friends are strange as well, at least the few that I have are. Now I know a whole bunch of people but other than my family there are only a few people I actually consider my friends and they are anything but normal.

I make my point is saying that my BFF told me just moments ago that the reason bunny's shed so much is that they can create more bunny's. Ewwwwwwwww. I agree that bunny's are cute and fluffy and I just want to pick them up and cuddle with them but they scare the crap out of me!

They will steal your soul if you let them so BEWARE!!!!!

There, I wrote a post about bunny's, happy Rach? haha Scary scary bunny's....EEK!

I'd tell you about other friends of mine but that would mean going into the strange world of my family and that would be a whole post in it's self. So yes this post has been weird but hey it's a post ^.^

She forced Me...

 Yes yes I know that I was supposed to post by Wednesday but my life has been epically crazy. Thankfully Rach has tagged me in a recent post of hers that requires minimal thinking on my part. Hopefully after my brain has a rest from all this drama the writing juices will be able to flow.

 

Anywho, I have been given a list of questions to answer and wile I plan to do so the only part I will not be able to do is tag 11 people. I have only two stalkers so far and I know they are both tagged in this already so yeah. 

 

On to the questions!

 

 

1) Book or movie and why?

It depends. If the movie is based on a book then 9 times out of 10 I will pick the book. I recently watched The Hunger Games after only just having started to read the first book and wile I'm thankful for the visuals it gave me I have to say the book was a million times better and things that were in the movie never even happened in the book or they happened much differently. It was much the same with the Harry Potter movies and though I love them to death the books were better because you really got the whole picture on what was going on.

2) Real book or e-book?

 Both. I love reading 'real' books but at the same time, being the owner of a Kindle fire makes reading e-book's possible and easy. It also saves on space since my house is already filled to the brim with books. So I have to say that I love both. I can just as easily curl up with a good paperback as I can with my kindle.

3) Funniest thing you've done in the last five years?

I would have to say having children. As a stay at home my life is not the most eventful. But having children has made it all the better. It amazing the things my 4 year old says, the songs she makes up. My 11 month old is all smiles and is constantly trying to get everyone around her to laugh and smile. 

So wile nothing has happened in my life to be the funniest thing, my girls continue to top themselves daily just by being the weirdos they are

4) Do you put yourself into the books you read/write or the movies you watch?

 I find myself doing that often when it comes to reading and writing books though more so when it is me that is doing the writing. Sometimes I find myself so lost in the characters that I write about that I actually feel their emotions. Call me crazy but I enjoy being able to get that lost and I think that to be a good writer it is a required skill. 

5) How would your best friend describe you?

In the words of my bff:

 "Getting to fill my honoring duties as Best Friend, I'm going to tell you a little bit about Mercedes. For starters, she's waaaaaaay too smart and nice to actually be my friend (but some how is anyways). She's honest, fun, and a little bit crazy. But those are all reasons why I love her."

 

 

6) Favorite car and why?

 

That one! ^^ That one right there. A 1973 Volkswagen Super Beetle Convertible. I have been in love with the bug for as long as i knew I could one day own a car. I almost had my shot at getting one much like this but my plans sadly fell through. Though I like them I'm not the biggest fan of all the new, sleek Bug's that are swarming the roads but I am completely in love with the old models.

So any of you stalkers out there feel like buying me a car this one would be it! Though I would prefer it in burnt orange ^.^

7) Would your choice of party be a catered meal or a barbecue out back?

A barbecue for sure. There's nothing better that hanging out with family and friends wile you wait around all day in hopes of eating a meal that is fully cooked. ((My family's chicken cooking skills will get you put in the hospital)) but still the food and company are great and there something about cooking food that just brings people closer together. 

Now don't get me wrong, a catered meal sounds amazing. I wouldn't have to cook and could laze around and eat a meal that someone else made but then I've never had such a thing and I think it would take away the fun of it. I love to cook and try out all sorts of flavor combinations. So a BBQ it is!

8) What's your favorite season and why?

At one point in time I would have said either spring or fall but here in the panhandle you never know what the next day will bring in tears of weather. We've had snow one day and the next it's sunny and 90 out. 

9) What specific lesson have you learned: Spiritual, educational, and occupational?

Spiritual: This one is tough as I am often at war with my spiritual learning's. I am a Christian. I believe in god but at the same time there are things that I am conflicted with. I will not go into the details of this now as it would take far too long and would need to be another blog post in itself. 

I know that I will go to heaven and I know that god loves me and I am learning that I am not as good of a christian as I really want or should be.

Educational: Well this one is still a work in progress as I am back in school. I never got far in high school so I am a proud student of Penn Foster. I am going for my high school diploma. Sure I could have just gotten my GED but I actually wanted to learn things, not know the basics and do a half ass job. I'm not saying anything against those with GED's it's just my personal opinion on what is best for me.

Occupational: Being a teen mom is not all that hard. Yes I am no longer a teen (I'm 22) but when I had my first child I was only 17. Sure I was almost an adult but i still feel I fall under the stereo type of a teen mother. I was treated like one that's for sure. Even now i get odd and often mean looks from those older than me but I've learned to just shrug them off.

I have learned that being a teen mom is not a bad thing. Now I'm not saying that everyone should have children so young but it's not the end of the world. Just because your 16 dose not mean you can not be as good a moth as a 30 year old. I've seen older mothers have more trouble with their children that younger ones. There really is no difference other than the way we are treated. 

I've learned to love myself, to love the two wonderful children I've made and the man who helped me make them. If I did not have my children then odd are I would be in a very dark place right now if not dead. I have learned that though it is hard there is no reason why a teen mother should be condemned for keeping and raising their child as I have. I grew up and I'm glad I did.

10) Besides writing, what's your favorite thing to do when you get some extra time?

I love to cook! If I could do one thing all day and every day it would be to cook as many different dishes as I could. Sadly the think I like to do most also coasts me a lot of money so I'm limits to trying out only a few new dishes a month at the most. I would love to be able to go to cooking classes or even a cooking school and learn more things. Food Network is my best-friend and I spend far too much time watching it haha

11) What's one place you can be found at least once every week?

Wallmart? I go at least once a week and nearly everyone there knows me by name. Yes i know I'm boring and lame haha. There was a time where me and my husband used to go to this restaurant every Friday and we went so much that they knew our order by heart. We still try to go often and they still know us but we try different things when we go now. 

The Blogs I'm Tagging:

Repulsive Frog

Only had one person but as my father he is much loved ^.^

First post!

I hate blogging. The only real reason I'm doing this is because a girl who I kind of consider my only and best friend said I should. I love to write but when faced with the challenge of actually having to do so when others can see has always been a big challenge for me. I think I care too much about what people will think or say when I know I shouldn't. 

So here I go. A blog about whatever pops into my head first and as suggested by said friend I will start off by telling you guys how my darling 11 month old baby girl woke me up this morning 

I guess it was really my husband calling me on break that first woke me up but it was Sarah who really made me wake up with a smile. 

She has this thing where she loves to get into your face and all the wile I'm talking on the phone she keeps stuffing her face in front of mine, the biggest grin showing off her 4 beautiful teeth. 

She giggles every time I tell her to stop and just keeps getting closer until I'm sure she's going to try to eat my nose. 

Thankfully my nose is safe but for some reason my little angle is obsessed with my armpits so out of nowhere she gives this laugh/battle cry and dives in, causing us both to laugh with the way I freaked out. 

It was a good start to the morning, one that actually happens often and I am grateful for it.

Well that's all for now i guess. 

Until next time